Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
