I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
