dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
His nipple licking is glorious
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