I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
