Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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