Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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