I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
it's like iHOP with fire
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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