make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Randomize
