You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
