They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
