THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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