i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
