She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
