Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
