She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
