Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
