i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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