she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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