I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Bring me that man meat
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
