Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
