Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
