Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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