How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
