she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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