i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
