Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
