I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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