He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
