I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
