If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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