I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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