I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
