Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
