Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
