why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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