I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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