I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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