I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
