im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
