it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
