What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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