i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
