I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
