True but thats because hes a fetus.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
