why didn't you poke me back
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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