i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
