Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
