He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
