If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
