that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
