So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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